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im sick of this lifestyle.
i want something real. sometimes i feel like staying at home for the rest of my life cuz thats where the real thing is. u know all these superficialities, they dont last. everyone shld just learn how to cherish what they have and stop whining about stupid things which dont even mean anything.
why are we put on this world i ask, but i dont know. some people tell me its because god wants us to learn and find solutions to problems. to christians, they keep saying, pray n youll get what u want, but sometimes prayers dont get answered cuz god wants us to find our own way and not depend on him. but why? why on this world why on this planet why are trees trees and why are rocks rocks and why are people people? huh?
solids. tangibles.
i know im not in any position to say anything cuz i cant answer any questions but i ask questions with every question asked.
why is there a world cup why is there coffee why is there alcohol how come too much alcohol makes me high why do we need to rest why why why.
im angry with this world and i dont know why. nothing makes any sense if u think about it. why do people fall in love and why do people cant get what they want and others can. why shld we even be asking ourselves all these questions when theres no real answer.
why do some hold on to something long lost and why do others give up something they really want?
i dont even know whats fantasy and whats reality anymore. the line has blurred, theyre now mixed up. sometimes i dont even know whether something which happened has really happened or did i just dream it. like this morning, i received a msg which im not even sure i received, i checked my inbox it wasnt there n then i thought maybe i was dreaming but i remember so clearly i received it.
can someone explain this to me/
and i dont even remember who i talked to cuz everyone sounds the same and everyone looks the same. and i open up my closet and i see all the clothes there n i wonder why i even bought them n i dont have anything i can wear these days. and i look into the mirror and i see a girl with two eyes a nose and a mouth but everyone just looks like me.
and i think of the past and what has happened but i dont even know why they happened the way they did. and then, all the things i ever did, why i did them why i said the things i said before, what happened to make me who i am today.
and as im typing this i just received an email from mos. i dont even really like mos all that much why am i on their mailing list. and i dont even like clubbing all that much but im alws at some club or smth, ok i admit i like drinking though. huh, but why.
and why is money so impt to do things in life, why cant we pay off our debts with shells or smth., then everyone can just go to the beach n pick shells n pay off their gambling debts or whatever, n everyone will be rich n happy but wheres the point in that?
life is a vicious cycle, if not why else would there be hours and days and weeks and months? there will alws be a friday and a saturday, if u pass a friday its a sure thing that another friday is coming. there will alws be a march, and a july and a september, there will alws be a 1am and a 2am.
there will alws be prata and late night suppers. there will alws be vodka n coke n tequila.
nothing will change will it?
i feel like listening to graduation by vitamin c. i used to like tt song until ann told me something about it.
i think asking too many questions means i need to shop. retail therapy.
